President Barack Obama will not rotate your tires.

President Barack Obama will not lower your cholesterol.

He will not personally show up in your bathroom to give you a bikini wax.

And he will not inspire the local Catholic Church to start handing out "The Pope respects BOTH your reproductive choices and your gay lover!" bumper stickers...

President Barack Obama will not get NASCAR to permanently abandon gas-powered cars to race Priuses instead. He will not redistribute wealth in such away that everyone can afford health insurance as well as a solar powered soy cappuccino maker. He will not slip a secret controlling powder into the Viagra pills of the Republicans in Congress, causing them to realize recycling, not The Jesus, is the only reliable method of preventing cockroaches from inheriting the Earth.

The election of President Obama will not cause Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney, George Bush, Ralph Nader, and that new conservative horror of a person who took over for Toney Blankly on The McLaughlin Group to be afflicted by 8 of the 10 biblical plagues.

A President Obama will not get your Uncle Pete to stop making offensive jokes about Hispanics, underage women and your brief period as a Scientologist.

A President Obama will not put Blockbuster out of business in favor of the actually cool video store (that also sold The Weed from your youth.

A President Obama will not single-handedly end global warming, create world peace, or reinvent America in the very progressive image of the leftnet-o-shpere instead of the up-tight, oft-terrified, provincial, utterly fallible, but still very best Democracy ever that it actually is.

What WILL Barack Obama actually do?

He'll appoint Supreme Court judges from the "We ♥ the Constitution" wing of the law.

He'll get us out of Iraq 36500 days sooner than crotchety guy.

He won't start trying to kill Iranians unprovoked.

He will restore some order to the taxation rates and get close to universal health care.

Anything beyond that... is pretty much just double stuff on the Oreo.

Don't think that's enough?

Just imagine if we weren't in Iraq right now. Just imagine if Alito and Roberts were more like Ginsberg and Breyer, Just imagine is we weren't sending a gabillion dollars a day fixing up something we went and made all broke. Just imagine where the economy might be if we'd never heard of George W. Bush.

As for the bikini wax... may I suggest the Korean lady with the stylishly thin eyebrows.



Display:


He MAY buy you a new bike... (2.00 / 13)

...but only if you're nice (and max out your $2,300 donation).


by Lieber on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 06:25:03 PM EST

Re: He MAY buy you a new bike... (1.66 / 6)

How about a jet ski?


Mooseburgers? Careful Sarah. Moose bite back!
by spacemanspiff on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 06:35:00 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: He MAY buy you a new bike... (2.00 / 1)

But I heard he IS your new bicycle


by Johnny Gentle Famous Crooner on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 07:58:24 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Where's my Pony (2.00 / 4)

Do I get a pony if I max out.


by parahammer on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 06:32:44 PM EST

A little pony, but YES a pony. (2.00 / 7)


by Lieber on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 06:36:21 PM EST
[ Parent ]

What? (2.00 / 2)

He will not personally show up in your bathroom to give you a bikini wax.

Oh great.  I ask one small thing of him and he can't deliver.


by TruthOfAngels on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 08:06:32 PM EST
[ Parent ]

You mean... (2.00 / 2)

you ask one small thing of him and he can't pony up.

(insert rimshot here)


Wouldn't it be nice if there were no rhetorical questions?
by Elsinora on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 08:49:47 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Dude , if he did .... (2.00 / 4)

show up to give me that bikini wax, I'd seriously contemplate ... asking for references and credentials.

But 'appointing Supreme Court judges from the "We ♥ the Constitution" wing of the law' is exactly what the other folks claim they do all the time.  Sometimes, words have different meaning based on the hearing of the listener.


Hell's bells, even the GOP didn't have to crucify Eisenhower's record in order to make Reagan their 'saint'. We can have two great ones, you know?
by emsprater on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 06:37:06 PM EST

Re: Pres. Barack Obama will not rotate your tires (none / 0)

No kidding.
There are some things that this country needs from it's President in order to remain viable; we, hive-mind style, are working on a list.  Some of those things, Obama already knows he has to do, other things not so much.  When you take the position that a thing is defined as being necessary when and only when Mr Obama has conceded that it is, you deny a major component of our own relevance.  There is no "enough," there is only a choice between "better but not best" and failure.

But seriously, I know you're trying to be lighthearted.  It works, it's funny; you should probably fix your tags, but I laughed.  But laughter is a comfort.  I'm already sitting in a padded chair, with A/C and a beverage; perhaps it is possible to have "enough" comfort.


Yes, I'm aware there's a possible misogynist reading of the myth. Sorry.
by Endymion on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 07:30:03 PM EST

Re: President Barack Obama will not rotate your ti (2.00 / 5)

He will not personally show up in your bathroom to give you a bikini wax.
Meanie! Do you really have to kill people's fantasy this way?

rec'd


"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." Samuel Johnson
by MS01 Indie on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 07:41:10 PM EST

I bet Hillary would have rotated my tires (2.00 / 4)

Why oh why does Barack Obama hate the car I don't own, and therefore America?


by TruthOfAngels on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 08:04:04 PM EST

Really disappointed (2.00 / 4)

about the cholesterol, I hoped to live long enough to vote for the man.


by Roberta on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 08:22:35 PM EST

Re: President Barack Obama will not rotate your ti (2.00 / 4)

He will not personally show up in your bathroom to give you a bikini wax.

Um, I might be willing to do that.


by Drummond on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 08:54:41 PM EST

Good one! (2.00 / 2)

But... will he come to my house, bring beer (Good Beer), cook up some BBQ for us, watch some Mariners baseball (Need more beer) and then watch hours and hours of Battlestar Galactica on DVD with me?

huh... Will He?!  


Washington Woman

Progressive Blue

by kevin22262 on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 08:57:21 PM EST

Re: Good one! (2.00 / 3)

McCain will actually cook BBQ for you, at least if you're a member of the press.


by rfahey22 on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 02:45:01 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: Good one! (2.00 / 3)

Ugh!  But, his dry rub recipe is gawd-awful!  No thanks!


It profits a PUMA nothing to give their soul for the whole world... but for McCain? --Sir Thomas More (if he were here now)
by LordMike on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 02:47:27 AM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: President Barack Obama will not rotate your ti (2.00 / 2)

Five things I absolutely must see in Barack's first term:

1. The exit of our military from Iraq. I'll give him his entire first term to complete that priority.

2. An end to the absolutely insane, economy-busting deficit spending that has been a hallmark of Bush.

3. Some change to health care in America which leaves no one uninsured or bankrupt because of it.

4. A full on Apollo mission to break this country away from fossil fuel by use of solar, wind, geothermal or hydro-electric. Nuclear doesn't count.

5. The issuance to me of an official Barack Obama Surrogate Bikini Waxer card. More than happy to help out the new president knowing how busy he's going to be with the first four issues. :-)  


by RickWn on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 09:00:15 PM EST

no bikini wax! (2.00 / 3)

that's it.

im voting for mccain.


"Democracy! Bah! When I hear that I reach for my feather Boa!" Allen Ginsberg
by canadian gal on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 09:45:29 PM EST

Waxless (none / 0)

Unlike the rest of the malcontents here, I won't grumble about the failure of this candidate to provide me with the promise of a personal bikini wax.  But that is only because, having never worn a bikini, I'm man enough to admit the complaint could be construed as somewhat disingenuous.  

Thanks for the smile with a side of solid sense!


A drink whenever Palin makes a Well-argued, Semantically Intact, Logical and Lucid Argument -- or WASILLA for short.
by January 20 on Sun Jul 06, 2008 at 10:01:36 PM EST

But he will make statements that undermine (1.33 / 3)

Roe v Wade and its companion decision, Doe v Bolton.

He will tell women with fetuses with severe fetal abnormalities that mental distress is not a reason for a woman to have an abortion.

I don't think you have to have a "mental disease", as he put it,  to decide you don't want to carry an anencephalic fetus ( one with no brain) to term.  I think any ordinary person would have "mental distress" at that outcome.  

No he won't rotate my tires...but he's very good these days at agreeing with Thomas and Scalia and at Sistah Soljahing almost group in the Democratic party.


by debcoop on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 02:10:20 AM EST

Re: But he will make statements that undermine (none / 0)

Nicely done! You win the bronze for Bastardizing What Obama Meant!

Hey, you know what else is mentally distressing? Being told you'll die if you give birth. Imagine the distress!! Oops, but now you can't get that abortion...should've kept your spirits higher. Yes, that's just what Obama had in mind. You nailed it.


by Johnny Gentle Famous Crooner on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 11:39:21 AM EST
[ Parent ]

I have been on the board of an abortion rights (none / 0)

for almost 22 decades.  I know the law, its history and how it's been applied.  Mental health has ALWAYS been part of the what has been meant by health...ever since the 70's.  There are 35 years of legislative and legal history supporting that.  What Obama said is at variance with Roe and its companion case Doe vs. Bolton

In that case, Doe v Bolton, the Court said a doctor could decide to perform an abortion based on "all factors--physical, emotional, psychological, familial, and the woman's age--relevant to the well-being of the patient. All these factors may relate to health.".  

Emotional, familial, age related...they do not qualify as either a "mental disease" which was his recent clarification or as physical health.

His language and explanation narrowed Roe and Doe.

That is also the language of the Freedom of Choice Act which codifies these 2 decisions. Obama is a sponsor of the Act.

So what he said disagrees with these 2 decisions and the legislation.  

Anencephaly, if you are unaware,  does not result usually in physical harm to the mother, that was my point.  Anencephaly though does mean a fetus literally has no brain and it will die after birth.  That is certainly mental distress...I don't think carrying such a fetus to term should be demanded of women.


by debcoop on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 12:22:39 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: I have been on the board of an abortion rights (none / 0)

almost 2, not 22 decades,


by debcoop on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 12:23:08 PM EST
[ Parent ]

Re: (2.00 / 2)

This reminds me of the Happy Fun Ball commercial on SNL.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Barack.


by rfahey22 on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 02:45:58 AM EST

Re: President Barack Obama will not rotate your ti (none / 0)

so the consititution defending is up to the judges? that's not what the oath of office says. I'd expect him to do more than the SCOTUS for the constitution - given the current prez has done more than the SCOTUS has to wreck it.

starters? FISA?
second, cancel all those signing statements and don't make ANY others himself!
third, cancel many of the exec orders as he has promised.
fourth, revoke the PATRIOT ACT as a redundant piece of fascist encroachment.
fifth, prosecute those that have broken the laws and the constitution over the past 8 years - no pardons, no trying to keep the peace by not investigating and prosecuting, no keeping the documents under wraps out of deference to the office of the president BS!


by swissffun on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 02:56:23 AM EST

I'll be happy with universal health care (none / 0)

fixing the economy and creating jobs, along with getting us out of Iraq pronto.

Let's hope those are more likely than getting him to change my tires, but so far it doesn't look good.


by Betsy McCall on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 12:40:12 PM EST

Re: President Barack Obama will not rotate your ti (2.00 / 1)

As long as he does the windshield and checks the oil I'm cool.

McCain would probably do that too, but he'd keep grinning at me.

Makes me nervous


McCain just lied again
by wrb on Mon Jul 07, 2008 at 01:54:05 PM EST


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